Diwali Blues

Diwali is around the corner. The decorations that have been put up in Little India do no justice to what Diwali actually is in 'Big' India. But then again, I am living in Singapore!

Ma and Pa had visited kas and me in Singapore for diwali last year and they're going to be here this year as well. Mom very lovingly brought us one of those tiny kandils (lanterns) to hang in the house last year. But after spending all my childhood years staying up and waiting for my dad to come home and help build the kandil with, it really is a horrible feeling to be away from it for 3 years. I know I should be happy that they make it a point to celebrate it with us every year but I miss my colourful kandil, hand painted diyas and rangoli welcoming home.

Dad, mum, Kas and I would end up sleeping really late the morning before diwali and Kas and I hated the fact that we would have to wake up before the sunrise. We were like zombies being forced to bathe and dress up. For those of you who don't know, Indian families that celebrate Diwali in a big way spend hours before the big day making sweets. Thankfully we are one of them! After a certain point I wasn't allowed in the kitchen as I would quietly sneak in every 2 minutes and gobble up all the shankarpalis (diamond shaped sweet thingis - my favourite!) In fact I used to feel really bad when ma wanted me to go and give them to the neighbours. Obviously the full quantity that ma put in the plate originally, would reduce to half by the time I reached.

Diwali evenings were spent waiting for family friends to come home. But for those few minutes before they arrived, we'd sit in the balcony under the kandil and surrounded by diyas, listening to the silence that made way for the sound of the millions of crackers being lit all over Bangalore. There were probably thousands of people on the roads or in their houses bursting crackers, but it was only the sound of the crackers that filled the air and added more life to those evenings. Sometimes I wish Bangalore wasn't so dear to me.

I sit here for the 4th time, away from home and reminiscing about Diwali in Bangalore. I still feel the same. I don't think I can hold on to the visual memories of diwali spent in Bangalore for long. But the memories that found their way into my heart, that of stealing shankarpalis, painting diyas and making the rangoli with ma, making the kandil with dad, lighting fuljhadis with kastu and listening to the silence that spread happiness through Bangalore air, will never burn out.